it's one of those days again. hungover, vaguely hungry, lonely, forgetful. i find metaphors for my life in the empty grey sky and the black birds floating up from leafless trees in a cloud. if life is a highway, i feel like i literally did just drive all night long and now the cold dawn is breaking and i realize i've forgotten where i'm driving. and somewhere along the road, my ambition jumped out of the bed of my beat-up blue pickup truck and rolled down into a ditch. and the radio only plays commercials and white noise. this metaphor is getting out of hand.

i guess i'm just sick of sitting around...on porches, in bars, in my room, at work...the same places, the same people, even if they're new people, they all seem the same. and it's not because they ARE actually all the same, it's because i'm the same, and i hate that. i want so badly to be able to believe that my dreams are attainable, that i can actually overcome this helpless feeling that threatens to overshadow my life forever and really go somewhere, and be someone great, and make a difference and have children and a house and good food and a beautiful life and die happy and have people miss me and....sheesh. i don't know what's gotten into me today but it ain't pretty. ah well. i know everything will eventually be great. and it is my absolute faith in that that somehow makes me more apathetic. someone pinch me, i need to wake up.