somnambulatoritizationality

the descent show last night was....really cool. the lagerhouse is this DIVE bar in corktown (that's detroit: michigan ave and trumbull, for all you outoftowners) and we played second on a bill with great lakes swimmers and akron/family. the former sounded like elliot smith talking in his sleep and the latter sounded like clap your hands say yeah on acid. those are sort of compliments. i liked about 3/4 of what i heard of both. in fact the same goes for us. we were pretty good. 75% fucking awesome. 25% off key, offbeat, and generally just off. but overall, we were pretty tight. i finally FINALLY finally got a mic! it's actually a bottle cap with a wire coming out of it, electrical taped under my fingerboard, but i was loud and people heard me! people even said they wished i was louder. i think i'm doing all right by this band. i love playing. it still felt soooo much just like a performance. no rock and roll mythos left in me, i fear. and i definitely hit some wrong notes. but i'm learning that you can't get hung up on that. i mean i take it seriously. trust me, i take it really seriously. but enough people i trust and admire have told me i sound better when i just play, balls out, without worrying so much about specific missed notes, that i've started to actually believe them. i barely even get nervous anymore. is that a bad sign? i think it comes from hanging out with matt so much.

by the way, i have a story to tell you. it's a long one and it's not pretty. it's sort of blown over by now, so it's not so immediate. i posted a blog about it for approximately 15 minutes and then decided i didn't want to risk certain people googling themselves and finding it. so i deleted it. but i emailed it to myself. so if you want it, let me know.

i don't know why i titled this blog the way i did. i am so dirty right now. i haven't bathed, shaved, or brushed my teeth in at least three days. i have no clean clothes left. my closet, pete commented this morning, looks like it vomited all over my room. there are fruit flies that will not leave my dresser alone for some reason. i scrubbed the damn thing with bleach and they won't leave! maybe they're confused? anyway, i'm going to take a shower and go to work. love to you all.

only have enough gas left for the beer can to the bowl. what can you do but go on?